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Listen to Regina's teaching recorded from ACIM Gather on PalTalk, May 7, 2005 Just click the audio to play below:(If you don't hear the audio, make sure you have Adobe Flash Player installed.)
Forgiveness Made Easy
Regina Akers & the Holy Spirit
Lesson #1 - What I am forgiving is the chatter in my mind.
When I first started practicing forgiveness, I was focused on trying to
forgive others for what they did to me. This was confusing and difficult.
Sometimes it seemed as if forgiveness was the same as allowing myself to be
used and abused as a door mat. What about me?
Then, an opportunity presented itself. I was planning to marry my boyfriend of
13 years, retire from my job and move to my dream location, Colorado Springs.
Everything seemed to be going my way until the day that I heard the silence on
the other end of the phone, and I knew everything was about to come crashing
down on me. My boyfriend was not going to go through with marrying me. My ACIM
workbook lesson that day was #122, Forgiveness offers everything I want.
Determined to use the experience as a forgiveness lesson, I decided to write
in my journal throughout the day. As I did, I noticed all of the chatter in my
mind. There were so many worrisome and fearful thoughts! As I observed the
chatter, I started to realize where my pain and fear originated. I asked
myself in my journal, "Could this be as simple as forgiving the chatter and
acknowledging that it isn't real?" As soon as I wrote that, I experienced a
strong feeling of de ja vu. I knew something powerful had just happened.
Although it seemed that my life was hanging by a thread, I decided not to try
and fix things myself. I decided to take a leap of faith and let whatever
would be, be. I let the chatter go, and I supported my boyfriend lovingly as
he told me that he did not want to get married. Then, an amazing thing
happened: I felt happy! The external situation did not seem to go my way, but
I felt free! I had taken my first giant leap toward peace.
Lesson #2 - The thoughts in my mind are reflected in the world I see
and experience.
My next big lesson came from my 7 year old daughter. I began to feel
controlled by her. She would hang on me and not let me move freely around the
house. If she didn't get her way, she kicked me and hit me. She wouldn't leave
me alone to study the Course or meditate. I felt rage towards her, and I was
confused about my feelings.
Instead of denying my feelings, I decided to look at them. I wrote in my
journal that I hated her. (It was hard to face, but important.) I wrote that I
felt controlled by her. And then I tried to figure out why. I started
observing our relationship and my thoughts about our relationship. One day, I
wanted her to put on her coat at the bus stop. She refused. I felt the rage
rising within me. After I finally got her on the bus (with her coat, by the
way), I asked myself, "What just happened?" I realized that I was angry that
she didn't obey me instantly, without question. As I looked at this thought
more, I realized that I thought that if my daughter isn't obedient, I am a
bad mother. I also realized that I was concerned about what people would
think if my daughter showed up at school without her coat on a cool morning. I
thought that they would think that I'm a bad mother.
I spent weeks journaling about my relationship with my daughter and I came to
realize that I wanted to control her. I was trying to make sure she
was obedient, talented, good in school, etc so that I wouldn't be a bad
mother. I saw my daughter as a reflection of my own unworthiness. Oh my!
That was an eye opener!!
My relationship with my daughter was a projection of the guilt, fear and
unworthiness in my mind, all of which stem from the false belief that I am
separate from God. And it is that which needs to be forgiven.
(And I am happy to report that as I let go of this false belief and its
affects in my mind, my relationship with my daughter is being healed
effortlessly.)
Lesson #3 - I have a choice! I can choose which thoughts I want to
keep and which thoughts I want to let go of.
By giving me the following message to meditate on, the Holy Spirit taught me
that I can choose to let go of my ego thoughts, and there is no power that can
keep me from making that choice if I choose to make it.
Lesson #4 - I choose the only choice that makes sense . . . the truth
of who I Am.
The Holy Spirit also gave me the following message, which helped me to see
that there is only one choice that makes sense, and that is to choose the
truth of who I Am.
Closing:
Forgiveness is the only gift I give.
The one I forgive is myself.
The gift is reflected in the world I see,
It is reflected back to me.
As I see guiltlessness,
I know my gift has been given.
As I see love,
I know my gift has been given.
As I see that you are me and I am One,
I know that my gift has been given.
And so in Love, I say to myself,
"Accept this gift. Forgiveness is the gift that I give."
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