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Listen to Pamela's teaching recorded from ACIM Gather on PalTalk, October 15, 2005 [click the play button (►) on the player bar] Follow along as Pamela reads from articles posted below.
Playing Media Files "I find Pamela Silberman's PEACE Method to be very much in harmony with the teachings of A Course in Miracles and The Disappearance of the Universe. Also, having gotten to know her, I feel that she doesn't just teach this method, she lives it. I highly recommend Pamela and her work." ~ Gary Renard, best selling author, The Disappearance of the Universe" To contact Pamela "Stress Management & ACIM" Before we begin, I’d like to start with a mini-meditation (chapter 21): Please, take a deep breath, and release. Breathe once more, and release, leaving the world behind you. Breathe again and I’d like you to picture yourself beyond the body, beyond the sun and the stars, past everything you see. Breathe and recognize that this is yet somehow familiar. There is an arc of golden light that stretches as you look into a great and shining circle. The entire circle fills with light before your eyes. The edges of the circle disappear, and what is in it is no longer contained at all. Breathe… See as the light expands and covers everything, extending to infinity, forever shining and with no break or limit anywhere. Within it, everything is joined in perfect continuity. Nor is it possible to imagine that anything could be outside, for there is nowhere that this light is not. Breathe deep and know this is the vision of the Son of God, whom you know well. Here is the sight of him who knows his Father. Here is the memory of what you are; a part of this, with all of it within, and joined to all as surely as all is joined in you. Namaste’ and Blessings All ways. Well – Come! Tonight’s topic is: A Course In Miracles and Stress Management: To manage stress through A Course In Miracles principles, a person must reflect upon the perceptions which fuel all stress-filled experiences. A stress “reaction” (appropriately defined as an action in response to a perception) develops from an increase in emotional pressure eventually causing physical symptoms (also known as the Fight or Flight response). Every person has the Fight or Flight response built within their body’s system of defense. When this response occurs repeatedly without appropriate channeling of the biochemical energy created (from unresolved stressors) we become sick. Although this reaction helps us stay alive during moments which could be bodily threatening, it can also over time destroy our health and wellbeing. Research tells us that 90% of physician visits are stress related, with an estimated annual cost of $300 billion dollars within the US alone! Most stress management programs practiced in the United States focus on helping the individual recognize all physical symptoms of the Fight or Flight response, then redirecting or treating these symptoms. These programs thoroughly describe how the body responds to an ever-increasing stress-filled world, consequently alerting the mind to the seemingly automatic responses. The overall goal of these programs is to teach individuals how to know their bodies and the disadvantages of a fight and flight response gone awry. To “manage” stress, people are encouraged to practice coping skills that will redirect the process. The main fallacies of these programs are that they very rarely, if ever, lead the participant to discovering the initial causes of the stress response beyond the biochemical effects. The practitioner of coping skills alone is essentially only redirecting their mind without curing the disease. They are taught to find ways to fix things once broken rather than invest in creating peace of mind from the start. This practice gives power and reality to several factors that A Course In Miracles defines as based in illusion. First, to believe the body’s stress responses are normal, automatic and unalterable essentially creates limitation within the body for all people. Here the body is viewed as completely real, ruled by the outside world and fully victim to all it experiences. We are told that we are not only a victim of the world; but, our only hope is to find a way to cope, make better choices after the fact and live more functionally with the reality of being enslaved within a controlling and painful world. In other words, just suck it up! Rooted in the core belief of ego-body identification, all is seen as outside the self, separate and physically centralized, able to be threatened. Our stress becomes an excused defense mechanism for less than optimum functioning when attacked. Second, to practice coping behaviors, one must perceive with certainty the solution is found in our behavioral choices and physical responses alone. We are able to succeed if the outside world or body accepts or yields to these behaviors. The behaviors can be seen as escapes or problem solvers, but rarely go anywhere below the surface as to dissecting what perceptions actually fueled the stressful incident initially. To use the world’s answers to world problems requires believing that the world is our prison, also known as an external locus of control. This belief says that the world rules and you are stuck. This constantly leaves us to back paddle in a sea of habitual problems. These problems remain forever real and outside of us, albeit considered normal by the majority, the suffering still remains. Personally I considered before practicing A Course In Miracles, that I’d rather be judged as abnormal by the world’s standards and choose peace of mind within. I feel the same way as a stress management professional. Using A Course In Miracles to manage stress is a completely different mindset. The Course does not try to redirect an external locus of control for optimum functioning; instead, it presents concepts which may be considered outlandish by the world’s judgments. Stress management is practiced through A Course In Miracles by eliminating the world as one’s source, completely. Its answer to stress of this world is to leave it in this world, hence to render onto Caesar what is Caesar’s. The Course dissects the very cause of one’s perceived problems, the perception of separation, body identification and all ego beliefs, essentially guiding the learner to seek only within themselves for answers. With thorough mind-seeking practice, its aim is to eliminate any investment or identification with illusion to release the perceived prisoner from the proverbial prison. The Course enlightens the dark passageways that we call our own, instead of telling us to find a better map. It is my opinion that only this approach can lead to the eradication of stress. Essentially the first 50 lessons help you step out of your perceived paradigms on which all stress is based. From these initial 50 lessons, all the principles are expanded upon to make concepts into practice, then full experience. The first mistake which is made during perceived stressful experiences is the belief that the outside world is in control of the situation. Based on the unconscious beliefs of separation from God and each other, within most stressful moments these core beliefs are not able to be accessed, so the outside world is easily blamed. When one is looking at stressful experiences it is easier to dissect such experiences with Course students because most have already discovered the unconscious beliefs which keep them within the dream state. For non-Course students stress management techniques can at most be brought down to the core beliefs stemming from a preconceived investment within the physical world. If I were to choose three Workbook lessons that centralize the core aspects of Stress Management through A Course In Miracles, they would be: (Lesson 15) “My thoughts are images that I have made,” (Lesson 31) “I am not the victim of the world I see,” and (Lesson 34) “I can see peace instead of this.” The purpose of these workbook lessons is to redirect an outside blaming frame of thinking to reclaim full responsibility for one’s thoughts. Fearful thinking fuels 100% of our stress, convincing us that we actually have something to defend outside of ourselves. To have any enemy the mind must invest in a belief of separation from God. It must conclude that we are victims of the world we see, incomplete, weak and vulnerable. In this perception we are insecure sinners surrounded and ruled by a world of death, pain, destruction and fear. Since stress is centered in fearful thinking, traditional stress management focuses its efforts on how better to respond to the fear, believing that the eradication of fear is impossible (or at least too much work). Basically, traditional stress management tries to find a better way to make use of an already ill-tasting meal, rather than change the recipe. It’s the Leftover Casserole of the psychological world. In fear’s rationale, defense serves a purpose, even though truly exhausting. It cannot and should not be eliminated. We are residually left coping with stress in the seemingly never ending struggle for safety. If we were to dissect stress from an internal thought system, we would see that it stems from an attachment to having our idols perform for us. A projection of desire creates an attachment to outcome. Without this attachment there would be no disappointment or frustration when objects or people do not follow through according to projected desire. For example, take the surface stressor of a traffic delay. We predetermine through our attachment to time and need that we must be somewhere else within a certain measured expectation. If the world does not then perform according to this desire (e.g. the cars do not move fast enough or you miss the green light, etc.) you react with anger, stress and frustration. Stress is rooted within need. I need the traffic to go faster. I need my family to listen to me. I need my spouse to love me differently. I need my supervisor to appreciate me. Yet from The Course’s framework there are no needs for needs. The Holy Son of God is free. Thus to treat the cause, rather than suffer the effect, a student of stress management techniques from The Course’s principles would center on recognizing and defining the limits with which we hold ourselves and one another. It is these expectations that bind us, once more choosing identification through illusion over reality. On the level of form we tell ourselves our brothers should first be seen through the idols we believe in and labels we think they should adhere to. Stress then occurs when this practice does not fly. I teach that the majority of stressful thoughts we suffer from are framed by the word “should.” Workbook Lesson 277 states: “The Holy Son of God is not subject to any laws I made which I try to make the body more secure. He is not changed by what is changeable. He is not slave to any laws of time.” And to understand this is to free yourself and your brother from all needs and expectations created to determine the body’s need for perceived safety. To look at this in detail, I refer to Chapter 23, here it is specifically states that any belief in enemies (which I will call our stressors) is a belief in weakness, “and what is weak is not the Will of God.” (T. 23). “How strange in deed becomes this war against yourself! You will believe that everything you use for sin can hurt you and become your enemy. And you will fight against it, and try to weaken it because of this; and you will think that you have succeeded, and attack again. It is as certain you will fear what you attack as it is sure that you will love what you perceive as sinless.” (T.23) “He walks in peace travels sinlessly along the way love shows him. For love walks with him there, protecting him from fear. He will see only the sinless, who cannot attack.” (T.23) “Walk in glory, with your head held high, and fear no evil. The innocent are safe because they share their innocence. Nothing they see is harmful, for their awareness of the truth releases everything from the illusion of harmfulness. And what seemed harmful now stands shining in their innocence, released from sin and fear and happily returned to love.” (T. 23) Thus all stress is rooted in perception. The Course speaks of this in multiple upon multiple ways. “Let not the little interferers pull you to littleness,” “Do not give up this world of freedom for a little sigh of seeming sin, nor for a tiny stirring of guilt’s attraction” (T. 23). You can see peace instead. Do not let the worst of the situation, get the best in you! Remind yourself that if you fail to see beyond appearances you are deceived. All stressors, which are perceptions of needs unrealized, are projections based on our perceived weaknesses. We endow our gods with chaos, and accept it of them freely, believing then we are victim of attack. We perceive ourselves as habitually weak. Think of all the projections placed on time and others. Do you not feel weak and lost when your world appears to overtake you? Do you not fight in order to feel strong again? A perception of needs unrealized is rooted in a belief in harm. Reframed through A Course in Miracles, we ask can any thing truly hurt the Holy Son of God? No! Surely not an obstinate driver or screaming child; surely not the person not adhering to the limits of the express check out lane, what true power does six extra cans of tuna fish hold over your timelessness? One can laugh at these minor stressors, but have we not surrendered our peaceful moments to them in the past? Have we not permitted other people’s (and our own) expectations to create stress in us? Have they not seemed to steal our moments of happiness? I’d like to emphasize that to use stress management from The Course’s point of view, is not to simply memorize a few key phrases or platitudes which we murmur to ourselves opportune times. Real stress management from The Course is practically living the Course and creating a solid connection with our True existence. Sure you can state to yourself that the traffic is a mere delay and cannot harm you, you can even go as far as to embrace the fact that the traffic is not the real issue going on in the moment. To memorize mere concepts is to create a band-aid effect of temporary peace, which cannot be the overall goal. Looking to The Course for conceptual tactics to create a new happier dream forsakes the reality of your Self. You are not here to compromise for the ego. To let the ego to believe its powers are rooted in reality, yet can be moderately redirected or placated is still investing in the reality of the world and saying it has power. With this mindset, you may be left believing you are a body, internalizing the stressors and keeping them for a rainy day when all hell will break loose. Do not doubt this, because in time, all hell will. To practice this way is mere delay. It is the same response that traditional stress management has attempted for years. Once your True Self has been surrendered to mere idols (even within a compromise) you invest in illusion and not Reality. Choose instead to solidify your awareness in Truth, thus completely releasing yourself from a belief in an illusion of harmfulness. Choose to invest in the real world and “what before seemed harmful now stands shining in their [complete] innocence” (T. 23). Stress is a symbol of discomfort with Self. When you use the projections of your own mind against your projected self, stress is experienced. “You are not free to give up freedom, but only to deny it” (T.10). You create perceived enemies of the outside world and then mourn their turn against you. It is a battle within a battle. Let us look at the areas where you were upset today. Look honestly upon each situation where an extra sigh or mumble or with-holding of breath or furrowing brow crossed your path. Remember there are no small upsets; they were all equally disturbing to your peace of mind. Take a moment now and look at each upset through the eyes of the inner observer and you will notice that each situation involved an attachment of sorts. Maybe it was an attachment to need, or value, or self, yet it is this attachment that convinced your mind of a desired state for wanting and incompleteness. “Do you not see that all your misery comes from the strange belief that you are powerless?”(T.21) Believe in your own powerlessness and you are forever wanting. Is this what you want to see? Do you want this? Imagine that child’s toy of the cube with the multiple holes. You try aimlessly to fit peg after peg in to your perceived empty spaces, then struggle when they do not fit. You push and slam the pieces about, demanding that they complete you. You may even have one slip in its desired spot, only to have it slip back out the bottom unexpectedly. Anger and frustration keep the game going and you are feeling less and less happy. As the pegs continue not to fit, you angrily attack the pegs. Thus the emergence of the stress temper tantrum. A fit is thrown when the outside world will not follow the rules of your preconceived expectations. Yet even if you yell at the pegs they will not change. The pegs were never meant to complete you. You are already complete. Now is the time to put your toys away. How to Discover Core Beliefs: Discovering core beliefs within perceived stressful experiences can be done in a few ways. My first favorite works through combining traditional cognitive therapy techniques (used in psychotherapy to identify cognitive distortions and self-defeating beliefs) with The Course’s lessons. The resulting experience becomes a direct challenge to statements of fear. These challenges help the perceiver to discover the core beliefs within the situation, supporting the resulting stress. An example of this exercise would be: Step One: Identify one recent stressing or fearful experience. Then fill in the following blanks. Step Two: When this happened, I needed __________ instead. The person in this situation was: __________________________. Step Three: I needed __________ instead, because I wanted _________. Step Four: I wanted ____________ because I expected ______________. This identifies the core expectation involved within the matter. Step Five: I expected ____________, because not to have that means __________. Step Six: If that was true, why would it be upsetting to me? What would it mean to me? Step Seven: Continue to challenge what the “meanings” mean by repeating the above statement until no other meanings can be identified without repetition. The final statement is the core belief discovered. An example: Stress experience: Standing in the express line of the supermarket, already in a rush, I notice the person in front of me has more than the allotted 15 items. As time ticks by, I begin to count each item and find myself becoming angry and stressed out. Step Two: When this happened, I needed to have her obey the rules instead. She was getting in my way, holding me up. Step Three: I needed to get out of there instead, because I wanted to go right away. Step Four: I wanted to go right way because I expected this would not take long. This identifies the core expectation involved within the matter. Step Five: I expected this would not take long, because not to have that means I’m wasting my time. Step Six: If that was true, why would it be upsetting to me? What would it mean to me? I don’t like wasting my time, there is too much to do already. Life has too many demands and I’m forever trying to feel better about doing everything I already have to do in the time given me. If that was true, why would it be upsetting to me? What would it mean to me? It means that I have no freedom. I am always chasing my tail. The world is controlling my happiness. The world is controlling me. If that was true, why would it be upsetting to me? What would it mean to me? If the world were controlling my happiness, then I will forever be trapped. If that was true, why would it be upsetting to me? What would it mean to me? If I were to be forever trapped in this world, I would be controlled by an unforgiving world. God would have abandoned me here. Life would not be worth living. This exercise can continue to confront why this person values their life’s worth through experiences in the outside world and feels the world is unforgiving, why God would abandon them here. Just in that short moment of time, some of the core beliefs discovered included the beliefs of “I am a victim of this world,” which meant “separation and aloneness,” and that would mean “feeling unloved.” To feel unloved is to engender fear and separation. Thus within this seemingly insignificant stressful moment, our mind has already determined that we were trapped, abandoned, worthless and a victim of the world. In identifying with these meanings and the person welcomed a meaningless world of stress, enacted through distorted negative perceptions, becoming self-defeating expectations. Using the Daily Lessons to Challenge Stress: The initial 50 lessons are keystones to gaining a completely new perspective of the world. This is essential for stress management. These lessons can eliminate stress (when thoroughly practiced and experienced within the mind). From the start, Lessons 1, 2, 6, 15 and 32 are great perspective shakers that can provide direct challenge to the self-defeating core beliefs within each stressful moment: Lesson 1: “Nothing I see means anything.” Lesson 2: “I have given everything I see … all the meaning it has for me.” Lesson 6: “I am upset because I see something that is not there.” Lesson 15: “My thoughts are images that I have made.” Lesson 32: “I have invented the world I see.” It is essential to remember that peace and choice come from realizing that we give everything its value. I actively remind myself that to learn this course requires willingness to question every value I hold because every value has the power to dictate each decision. (T.24) There is nothing that occurs in this world that is not a projection of our own internal thought system. “You see what you believe is there, and you believe it there because you want it there” (T. 25, IV, 1). Each of us defines what is important and what is not. We give everything its value. It is essential to remember that ultimately peace comes from within us for as we think, so do we perceive. “Therefore, seek not to change the world, but to choose to change your mind about the world.” (T. 21) In continuing with the lessons, I am drawn to focus on the fact that there is no need to learn through pain. Lesson 31, “I am not a victim of the world I see,” helps the stressful thought system, which thrives on pain, to reboot itself. Stress is dependent upon the belief that other people or circumstances are responsible for how we feel. If you are forever playing the role of the victim, you will forever be experiencing stress-filled painful suffering. In that suffering you give up your personal power and the ability to choose differently. It is important to constantly remind ourselves that we have a choice and that we do not need to suffer in order to become free. We are not victims, never stuck in the effect yet holy the cause. “Deceive yourself no longer that you are helpless in the face of what is done to you. Acknowledge but that you have been mistaken, and all effects of your mistakes will disappear.” (T. 21) Remembering it is your own thoughts and beliefs that stand in your way to thoroughly experiencing inner peace, turns the tables on beliefs of victimization. It cannot exist without our own beliefs in weakness. Lessons 33, “There is another way of looking at the world,” and 34 “I can see peace instead of this,” are optimally used to actively change your mind, see that you are not a victim and release yourself from perceived weakness. You are never upset for the reason you think (Lesson 5) because “I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or on myself.” Ultimately I could continue to in detail provide many more examples of how The Course’s lesson practically lead the student to eliminating stress when practiced, but there are just so many hours in this perceptually measured evening. Nonetheless, it is more essential to pay attention to the fear that these lessons will unleash. As mentioned before, in Truth, fear alone is your perceived enemy. Once you actively begin the process of being beyond the thinking and experiencing of stress, fear will speak louder. Release fear by noticing and challenging its core beliefs. All of the above lessons can be used to challenge the fear, yet it is essential to recognize these are not concepts or platitudes to compromise with the ego temporarily. The Course is not about re-establishing better world concepts. “No concept of yourself will stand against the truth of what you are.” To discover core beliefs is to begin to touch the surface of True identification which is unchangeable. The PEACE Method: I truly felt led by the Holy Spirit in creating The PEACE Method. In my meditations I sought a perfect way to present Course materials to clients whom were not familiar with the Course, or could not (for whatever reason) feel that it was within their capabilities of understanding. I hoped to be able to sum up the Course’s teachings, without losing or reducing its most essential meanings. I can’t actually pinpoint a time (because when received I felt as if the concepts had been with me forever) but soon after I felt myself feeling a receipt of concepts which summarized the Course thoroughly but succinctly. In addition the more I looked at these concepts I realized that they could be used to describe the root of all error-thinking and experiencing. No longer were the concepts succinctly summarizing the Course, they were summarizing the entirety of life’s mistaken mind. To my clients who are not Course students and may feel that validity is only proved through the world’s terms, I refer to this technique as Perspective Therapy. Based on the principles of an amorphous concoction of Reality Therapy, Logotherapy, Cognitive Therapy and A Course In Miracles, The PEACE Method delves into the personal decision to see within or be without. All psychological techniques present simple ideas, yet difficult tasks. I often hear from many clients, “easier said than done.” I agree. To undertake the process of self-analysis, whether it is through professional psychotherapeutic techniques or dedicating oneself to searching within, the journey will not be an easy or comfortable one. Many challenges will appear to appear, with multiple questions alongside. Every question will seem to be answered with a question at first, until a person’s ego is solidly broken down to the core beliefs which keep it functioning. For me this took many years, I often say I’m glad I started young (although the choice to undertake such a journey, as with many people, rose from a complete desperation for another way). As students of The Course, confronting the ego will always be a choice, yet the choice is not always an easy one. Furthermore, applying the principles takes abundant willingness daily. I’ve often felt a yearning to see with the eyes of love, rather than succumb to the viciousness of the ego, but I still find myself consciously arguing or resisting. Alcoholics Anonymous has a saying stating, “Anything we let go of has claw marks all over it,” I extend this to many of life’s changes as well. Therapy relies completely upon the insight and motivation of the client to create success. Even though we may believe we fully understand and can integrate The Course into our lives, occurrences appear where we observe ourselves sinking back into ego-thinking. The PEACE Method requires a person to see this potential rather than fight it. In truth we cannot fully release what we still see as the enemy. Enemies require a belief in separation and attack. In fighting our feelings we are separating them from ourselves, then uselessly attacking them. Instead, if we were to accept our feelings as purposeful, even if it was solely for the practice of recognition and release, we would instantly feel more in control and able to choose without resistance. The PEACE method’s divergence from traditional stress management therapies is knowledge that healing starts and ends from within, rather than outside of, ourselves. This may not appear to be much on the surface, yet it is tremendous in the results created. The outside world remains an effect of the person’s newly healed cause. You may relate to this as a miracle, which in deed it is. Used for stress, The PEACE Method directs the student to reveal the faulty thought system fueling the stress experience. In complete, it guides the recognition that ones power to see was and always is within them. Practice The PEACE Method by breaking down into its components in a series of questions for inner discussion and reflection. Use the Perspective and Expectation steps to discover where the stressful views originate (e.g. “How am I seeing this experience right now?” “What does it mean to me?” “How did I think this was supposed to be instead?”). Then, use Actions, Consequences and Environment to create a new experience (e.g. “What can I do now to change or control this?” “What results do I choose?” “What would I rather have?” “Where can I turn to for support?”). I’m willing to admit that the ideas are simple and can be applied to the needs of multiple populations. Being that in truth we are all One, it is even more encouraging for the Course student to recognize how releasing old patterns of thinking benefits the whole. In Truth, The PEACE Method is universally adaptable, to the needs of all. I truly believe this was the intention of the Holy Spirit when communicated. Simply be at peace. The PEACE Method Pamela B. Silberman, 2004 Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a stress-filled experience, hoping "there has got to be a better way?!" Now there is! Designed as a guide to assist people to choose again, we no longer need to rely on the world to create us or destroy us! In fact, only your mind that can do that! Take back your control. Seek not outside your own Self for inner peace! P = PERSPECTIVE: Change the way you look at life and life changes! You are not as powerless as you may think you are! Ask yourself: How am I seeing this experience right now? What does this mean to me? Who determined that value? The answers may take you from perceiving a world of loss, to another choice. The simple light of willingness to see another way banishes complete darkness. Can you at least admit that you do not like how you are feeling now? Then perhaps there is another way to look at this. What can you lose by asking? E = EXPECTATION: The word "expect" derives from two components:
Ex = Outside of When you expect you are truly choosing to see outside of yourself. You see the problem and the solution in a world out of control, and this really pisses you off! Identify with the outside world and you are forever chasing completion. These falsely placed beliefs will destroy you! What did you believe "should" have happened? What rule did you base your belief on? Is that rule absolutely true for everyone? Step back from pre-conceived demands and projections. Choose again and regain your power! A = ACTIONS: What do you choose to do now? You can't change the past! Use this moment to create a better experience, right now! How can you recover, release and resolve? Work out a plan that works for you. Would you rather have continued suffering or seek peace of mind? Would you rather be right or happy? It is your choice. C = CONSEQUENCE: Cause and consequence are one. Be the cause now. The effects of our actions are well-known beforehand. Do not invest in a belief of powerlessness! Create not the role of victim to an insane world! Choose the consequence you would rather have for peace of mind. E = ENVIRONMENT: Where ever you are, there you are! What people, places, things, thoughts and feelings do you surround yourself with? Do these surroundings create the peace of mind you most desire? Surround yourself with the environment you want. Abundant willingness and attention may be necessary to re-create the happier you, but the results are immeasurable! In DEED you are worth it!!! ~“Peace is yours because God created You, and He created nothing else!”~
Saturday Evening October 15th, 8:30pm ET To contact Pamela |
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